Tuesday, June 13, 2017

High Styria

I had begun to panic and signed up for a week with Thompson in Austria, that is after extensive searching, hiking over walking, that sort of thing, which is why you find a grizzle-haired cove, bashing away at his keyboard, dressed in his pants. He is in the Kirchenwert Gasthof in Schladming, and it is hot. The TV is not tuned in to anything, the bedside lamp has a broken bulb, but on the other hand it is the biggest Austrian single room he has been to in his life ( and, for older readers, it doesn't look over the slurry pit) and, due to bathroom refurbishment, it doesn't have a medical toilet, this is a big plus! The one minus point is that it has a faint whiff of fags, dispersing with the open window. This is a perennial problem in a lot of hotels but here in Austria it is compounded by smoking being a sacred right, cig heil perhaps!

As usual I had planned to arrive at the airport the advised two hours early, but had managed two and a half, thirty minutes after arrival I was standing in the maelstrom of departures. Two dull hours later (the people offering tasters in duty free always seem to disappear at my approach) I was privy to a conversation between the boarding gate crew of "Shall we tell them now?" "No, let's get them all in.". We took off an hour late.

Salzburg airport, minivan to the resort with two others, indicative of its popularity. Arrival in hotel dating from 1680.

Dinner ( I am all inclusive ). Soup with kneudl, Weiner Schnitzel ( when in Rome ), tired pancake stuffed with ice cream, seven other diners, all of whom left, small jug of white wine, and a large beer which I watched being combined from several others. As I left the kitchen staff had a pizza delivery!

Day two, starts as all Austrian days do at 6.00am when the churches go off. At breakfast I meet the two other people in the hotel, Rita and Peter from Manchester (you've no idea how I'm longing for one of the waiters to be Dieter). I depart to the main lift, Planai, and decide to ascend something beginning with K - Krahbergzinken (2134m). Halfway up the rep rang, Schladming being so underwhelmed with Thompson tourists that we have a virtual rep. I mentioned the room, she said she'd see what she could do.
At the top as I turned to go, I met Rita and Peter. I descended and before completing the other side of Planau panorama walk, popped into the WC, one of those that the Austrians like to do, they have mirrored windows, so that while you're ensconced you can look at the view, and crowds of people standing around wondering why there are mirrored windows. This one even had a theme - paradise, featuring a very buff Adam and Eve, though apparently Adam had been sporting some bling in his rib as it now decorated Eve's navel, wait a  minute though, she wouldn't have had a navel! Ok, so featuring two models pretending to be Adam and Eve, there was sufficient greenery to protect their modesty, or whatever it was needing protecting. Eve was being demure in the WC, looking away from the throne, but making distinct eye contact at the urinal ( better than laughing I guess?). But I digress, who should walk past but Rita and Peter, and who was in the cafe? Yes.
I descended, dumped my bag and set off along the river walk that Rita had recommended, up past the hydroscheme, then along a nice gentle path featuring a lot of water sculptures (whizzy things made out of dead skateboards and teaspoons [this used to be a nickel mining community - hence the spoons]), and a heck of a lot of water. I returned via the country route featuring a wooden bridge to get past one bit of none path, which had a rotten board. At the hotel they offered me two different rooms, one that smelled the same as mine had ( a day of open window had dispersed nearly all trace ) and a twin, about twice the size with less storage. I stayed put. Ate my roast pork, drank my wine, mooched about town, and went to bed.

Day three, starts as all Austrian day do with - the f'ing market being set up at 4.00am!
I decide to go to the Reissachfall and the gorge of Hole (hell, not Hell, apparently there are lots, it's Austrian for a place difficult to get your cows out of). Hole is Hell, so many steps, so many steps I'm surprised that the local denizens have not been woken up with me wailing about them in the night. First there are the steps up through the woodland to the bridge crossing the lower fall, then there are the steps up to the bridge crossing the upper fall, then there are the steps up to the bridge that crosses the gorge, which is shut for refurbishment. Then there are the steps just after the sign that says "Abandon Hope", these are not real steps, they are bits of log that are trying to stabilise the sodden earth, they are about the steepness of a stepladder and rise about 100 feet, a third of the way up a toddler is demanding their bottle, apparently we all have to stop and wait. Wait a minute, a toddler, I'm sure there's something about no children under the age of eight! At the top of the glutinous steps there are a series of galvanised walkways AND STAIRS that according to the guide book take us up 260m, however since they go both up and down it's more, my legs say quite a bit more. I meet some Americans, they are from Birmingham, so am I,  I sweat decorously as we chuckle about the coincidence, then they say, "See you at the lake!" and skip off. This leaves me in a quandary, I feel I might die before the lake, and I didn't know there was a lake. As it is there is, I eschew it, lovely though it is and wander on thinking about the Preintaler hut 1.5 hours further on, after 1.2 hours it is .75 of an hour away, I check the bus timetable and turn round.
In the evening I consume several sets of ribs and, apparently, enough booze to set me thinking on the meaning of life, i.e. what's wrong with me that I am single? I brusquely order a small red wine, despatch it, and then dispatch myself to bed.

WATCH THIS SPACE FOR MORE ADVENTURES

Coming up, how the Schladming Tourist Board are economical/ingenuous with the truth.
Nick or the Glacier - which is retreating?
Can knees make that sound - and be alright?

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