I got up, today was back to town and a trip to Alcatraz, well why not. After br("Your left testicle weighs 13 grams, about average, and is slung marginally lower than your right, all quite normal. I had testicles once...I think")eakfast Margie took me back to Linda Mar and I caught the bus to the train. From Market I walked over the top of the hills via Powell. On the way I passed by the cable car museum, which is also the place where the cables get turned through 90 degrees, so that they run under the street, all quite fascinating, if you like big wheels. On the way out I met an exclusively Chinese school crossing the road, cute, in a monoracial sort of way. I stopped at Safeway to pick up some provisions before joining the queue for the ferry, on the other side I ate my lunch while the crowds moved off up the hill, the jalapeno and cheese bread being excruciatingly delicious. Hmm Alcatraz, what can I say, well it's ok if you like concrete, it used to be a prison, ten foot by six foot is quite small, there's a lot of wind, there's a good view of San Francisco, no one was ever executed there (they shipped them out to San Quentin)? The audio tour delivered such humanitarian goodies as, "There were rules saying that the windows in the doors of solitary confinement had to be left open, but we ignored that." No wonder Clint wanted to escape. To be fair it was quite interesting in a punitive sort of way.
From Alcatraz, back to the mainland, and an ancient tram back to Market, where I strolled down to the Caltrain station to venture out to Burlingame, where Paul was having a tonsorial makeover, we were due to meet in the Steelhead Brewery before heading off to try a new "mediterranean style" (aka Turkish) restaurant ( a digression: this is the only country where the humble and drunkenly delicious doner kebab, pretends to be Mexican, living [and some of them are, believe me] under the name of Gyros ). I arrived and went upstairs on the train - for the view. As we left the Attendant announced what we were on, where we were going, what we could do when we got there, and finally made a plea to keep cell phone calls to oneself, as not everyone else necessarily wanted to know what you obviously thought they should. The click of the mike button was immediately followed behind me with, "HI BOB! I'M CALLING YOU ON YOUR CELL!" Would Bob be surprised, would he do a double take as the thing in his hand spoke to him, or would he just roll his eyes and mutter such things as, "Fatuous oaf." under his breath. I know which I did.
The Bombay IPA was delicious but a little strong, the meal was passable, as was the topshelf Margarita, the journey back was through fog, no, it was.
Thursday, I got up mo("Why do you think I've got this bald patch on the top of my nose")oched about for a bit and then leapt into the car with Margie for a trip to Ano Nuevo. We parked and strolled through the park to the beach, the grass was speckled with the brilliant scarlet of Indian Paintbrush, the pond speckled with small waders ("Virginia Rail?" I thought) and the sea... the sea was speckled with something, sometimes a triangle of something, sometimes five somethings like a particularly irregular pentagon. A quick squint through the binoculars confirmed my diagnosis, yep, definitely blobs of some sort, actually incredibly cute furry blogs (unless you're a clam) - sea otters, eventually three. Much bouyed by their appearance we pointed them out to various passersby, whilst loaning out the bins to their offspring (loaning out bins to children usually means that various bits of sky leap suddenly into focus, closely followed by various bits of grass which leap out). Eventually we decided to be less smug and carried on down the path, merely spotting an osprey passing, carrying a fish about the same length as itself, presumably giving it a quick tour of a new environment.
Eventually we arrived back at the shore and were fielded by a docent who walked us towards a pile of somnolent flesh, these were Elephant seals, mainly juvenile males, having a moulting session.
How to moult as a post-puberty Elephant Seal (male):
1. Swim to the shore and caterpillar your way above the tideline, some of your skin will be abraded by pebbles.
2.Lie still.
3.If you can afford to spare the energy you may scratch.
4.Eye opening is optional.
5.Other seals may sometimes climb over you, abrading your skin.
6.You may have to turn over occasionally, this is a chore.
7.In about a month's time, girls will arrive and you may be motivated by strange urges, you need to suppress these, otherwise people three times your size will try and bite your head off, some of your skin will be abraded.
The docents took us to within 25 metres of these lardpiles. 25 metres because thats the distance when they run out of steam, 20 metres and you're acting as a lubricant ! Just offshore there was a female sealion, waiting for us to go so that she could come ashore to die, her tail had been taken off, probably by a Great White. I decided against a paddle.
We returned, with me being dropped at Safeway, to buy some goodies, Mexican drinking chcolate, some Jelly Belly beans, that sort of stuff. In the ("Jelly Belly my favourite!") bedroom I decided to sneak a few beans, Rocket decidedto sneak a few more when my mind wandered for a moment.
From Alcatraz, back to the mainland, and an ancient tram back to Market, where I strolled down to the Caltrain station to venture out to Burlingame, where Paul was having a tonsorial makeover, we were due to meet in the Steelhead Brewery before heading off to try a new "mediterranean style" (aka Turkish) restaurant ( a digression: this is the only country where the humble and drunkenly delicious doner kebab, pretends to be Mexican, living [and some of them are, believe me] under the name of Gyros ). I arrived and went upstairs on the train - for the view. As we left the Attendant announced what we were on, where we were going, what we could do when we got there, and finally made a plea to keep cell phone calls to oneself, as not everyone else necessarily wanted to know what you obviously thought they should. The click of the mike button was immediately followed behind me with, "HI BOB! I'M CALLING YOU ON YOUR CELL!" Would Bob be surprised, would he do a double take as the thing in his hand spoke to him, or would he just roll his eyes and mutter such things as, "Fatuous oaf." under his breath. I know which I did.
The Bombay IPA was delicious but a little strong, the meal was passable, as was the topshelf Margarita, the journey back was through fog, no, it was.
Thursday, I got up mo("Why do you think I've got this bald patch on the top of my nose")oched about for a bit and then leapt into the car with Margie for a trip to Ano Nuevo. We parked and strolled through the park to the beach, the grass was speckled with the brilliant scarlet of Indian Paintbrush, the pond speckled with small waders ("Virginia Rail?" I thought) and the sea... the sea was speckled with something, sometimes a triangle of something, sometimes five somethings like a particularly irregular pentagon. A quick squint through the binoculars confirmed my diagnosis, yep, definitely blobs of some sort, actually incredibly cute furry blogs (unless you're a clam) - sea otters, eventually three. Much bouyed by their appearance we pointed them out to various passersby, whilst loaning out the bins to their offspring (loaning out bins to children usually means that various bits of sky leap suddenly into focus, closely followed by various bits of grass which leap out). Eventually we decided to be less smug and carried on down the path, merely spotting an osprey passing, carrying a fish about the same length as itself, presumably giving it a quick tour of a new environment.
Eventually we arrived back at the shore and were fielded by a docent who walked us towards a pile of somnolent flesh, these were Elephant seals, mainly juvenile males, having a moulting session.
How to moult as a post-puberty Elephant Seal (male):
1. Swim to the shore and caterpillar your way above the tideline, some of your skin will be abraded by pebbles.
2.Lie still.
3.If you can afford to spare the energy you may scratch.
4.Eye opening is optional.
5.Other seals may sometimes climb over you, abrading your skin.
6.You may have to turn over occasionally, this is a chore.
7.In about a month's time, girls will arrive and you may be motivated by strange urges, you need to suppress these, otherwise people three times your size will try and bite your head off, some of your skin will be abraded.
The docents took us to within 25 metres of these lardpiles. 25 metres because thats the distance when they run out of steam, 20 metres and you're acting as a lubricant ! Just offshore there was a female sealion, waiting for us to go so that she could come ashore to die, her tail had been taken off, probably by a Great White. I decided against a paddle.
We returned, with me being dropped at Safeway, to buy some goodies, Mexican drinking chcolate, some Jelly Belly beans, that sort of stuff. In the ("Jelly Belly my favourite!") bedroom I decided to sneak a few beans, Rocket decidedto sneak a few more when my mind wandered for a moment.
It was my turn to cook, I chopped, I ground, I marinaded, I caused catastrophic kitchen covering by adding the mustard seed to the oil when it was too hot, I've seen blast furnaces produce less spelter. The tikka was pronounced a success, as were the gin and tonics.
Friday, and I was being left in charge of the d("I smell fear")og I had to take him for a walk before bussing into town. I got the lead and Rocket got excited. ("Aha, the fear-fouled one is taking me, Rocket AKA the Terror of Terriers, Punisher of Poodles and the Lash of Lickspittle Labradors, walkies! Nice. Let's go!
Hey Bub less with the, "Heel!" stuff, I'm strutting!
What's that twenty five degrees to port, some sort of wrapper, check length of slack, nonchalantly walk past and DIVE!
Got it, hahaha!
No Lead Boy, it is mine, your weak fingers cannot pry this prize from my mighty jaws. There, it is gone.
Onward!
But Lo! Mine enemy and his two enfeebled owners! I roar, my rage is all consuming, tremble at my voi... Ouch! OK, keep your hair on.
Now keep an eye out for likely low lying shrub. There's some! Adopt the position, strain... such relief! Why, I smell adrenaline, and what's that keening noise? It's Lead Boy. Whassamatter? Ahh you want the prize of my leavings, like the others, you will wrap them in sacred wrappings and deposit them in the Vault.
The Castle now looms, the Terror of Lesser Canines returns to his Ancestral Seat.
C'mon give us some peanut butter.
Ta, I like you.")
I caught the bus, fretting that we would miss the connection as we were late, when we pulled into the terminus I dismounted, alone, my fellow passengers sitting firmly in their seats, the connection was nowhere to be seen and I began to curse. After a while I watched the driver of my previous bus change the number and become the connection, I cursed and handed over the new fare while failing to make eye contact with my erstwhile travel mates.
Friday, and I was being left in charge of the d("I smell fear")og I had to take him for a walk before bussing into town. I got the lead and Rocket got excited. ("Aha, the fear-fouled one is taking me, Rocket AKA the Terror of Terriers, Punisher of Poodles and the Lash of Lickspittle Labradors, walkies! Nice. Let's go!
Hey Bub less with the, "Heel!" stuff, I'm strutting!
What's that twenty five degrees to port, some sort of wrapper, check length of slack, nonchalantly walk past and DIVE!
Got it, hahaha!
No Lead Boy, it is mine, your weak fingers cannot pry this prize from my mighty jaws. There, it is gone.
Onward!
But Lo! Mine enemy and his two enfeebled owners! I roar, my rage is all consuming, tremble at my voi... Ouch! OK, keep your hair on.
Now keep an eye out for likely low lying shrub. There's some! Adopt the position, strain... such relief! Why, I smell adrenaline, and what's that keening noise? It's Lead Boy. Whassamatter? Ahh you want the prize of my leavings, like the others, you will wrap them in sacred wrappings and deposit them in the Vault.
The Castle now looms, the Terror of Lesser Canines returns to his Ancestral Seat.
C'mon give us some peanut butter.
Ta, I like you.")
I caught the bus, fretting that we would miss the connection as we were late, when we pulled into the terminus I dismounted, alone, my fellow passengers sitting firmly in their seats, the connection was nowhere to be seen and I began to curse. After a while I watched the driver of my previous bus change the number and become the connection, I cursed and handed over the new fare while failing to make eye contact with my erstwhile travel mates.
In Town I was looking for an outdoor shop, REI, I knew it was on Brannon near the centre of Town, I strolled down 7th and, at Brannon, peered in both directions, all I could see was the Fashion Center, I set off towards the Bay. Forty minutes later I had a great view of the Bay Bridge from underneath, I moved one block northwest onto Bryant on the grounds that it began with B, and walked back to 7th, pausing to investigate the yellow pages dangling in a booth, nope. Depressed I mooched back to Market, with a brief (very) diversion into the Tenderloin (so named because that's what you end up with). On Market I found a sports shop, "Do you have....?"
"Only in Winter"
"Any ideas?"
"Try REI."
"?"
"8th and Brannon."
There was some fulmination, as I limped out onto Brannon and turned left, the Fashion Center sign winked at me, the REI sign was set back from the road, I fulminated some more and then went to purchase. I had had enough, I returned, missed the bus connection by 10 seconds, got to Linda Mar an hour later and phoned (with trembling lip) for a lift.
In the evening we we("Hi nice to have you back, whatever it was I ate doesn't seem to have done me any harm. Your feet smell sore.)"nt to the Yacht Club(not for the glamour, just has the cheapest beer in town). At one point the Commodore, well, a man wearing a cap, came for a chat, and I was introduced as "the Brit". It was one of those occasions where the neurones fired a little late.
"Do I detect a trace of an accent?"
"Ohh umm ha ha ha!" when what I meant to say was, "God forbid!"
From the club to Mezza Luna and a competent Italian meal then home for an early night, as, come the dawn, we had to get on a boat and watch some whales.
